4 Reasons I Am Glad To Be Gay In New York
Gas Prices: I know that this is technically a blanket statement since technically straight people have cars too. But straight people don’t have as many hookups as us gays, so they have less places to go. They are also less fun, and don’t go out as much. Gay people have very demanding social lives since we are all making up for the fact that in middle school people called us cock suckers and threw rocks at us. Or did they throw cocks at us and call us rock suckers? I don’t recall as I was too busy doing both.
Shady Gays: In New York, gay guys are way too concerned with all their own shit to worry about anyone else. They won’t try too hard to steal your boyfriend, because there is more than one hot guy living here and they don’t have to cling to every attractive male like a sister-wife in heat living in a small Nevada town where the only good restaurant is KFC.
DUI’s: I don’t know how the fuck I managed to get out of Florida without a DUI, but I drove drunk so many times my car actually developed the ability to run off the Popov fumes from my breath.
Condoms: Not many people are willing to say it, but my asshole has asked me to speak on its behalf in gratitude. In the South people are a lot more relaxed about condom use. Here, AIDS runs more rampant than rude Pakistani cab drivers whose faces don’t match the photos on their placards. Its so much easier to let someone dip their dick when you don’t have to worry about contracting something (that unlike Michael Jackson’s heritage) Clorox can’t get rid of.