Coachella 2012 Review
Friday, April 20th 2012
Grouplove Spread The Love
The indie rock band that quickly rose to major label status this past year displayed why that’s the case. Grouplove had the entire audience cheering and exuding happiness from where they stood. The band wailed it’s famous tunes with enormous energy. It’s a wonder how lead singer Christian Zucconi can sing at that register for 40 minutes plus. The band dressed in very hippy garb resembling a band that might have performed at Woodstock. Grouplove drew random images on a dry-erase board and then destroyed part of their set. They opened with “Lovely Cup” and played most of their new songs with the addition of Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody.” However it was “Tongue-Tied” and “Colours” that drew enormous cheer and had the entire audience singing jubilantly.
Neon Indian‘s Chillwave Cools The Crowd
Neon Indian, the captivating creation of Mexian-born Alan Palomo, took to the stage early Friday afternoon at Coachella. The “chillwave”, electro-pop sounds were as infectious and irresistible live as they are straight from their familiar studio recordings. Palomo and his band effortlessly put together a set of delightful luscious synth sounds to a packed crowd at the outdoor stage, which proved to be a fun and exciting start to a remarkable weekend of some of the best acts in music. Their most familiar song, “Polish Girl”, was the highlight of the set drawing the most excitement and energy. Palomo kept the vibe going throughout the entire set with his energetic and quirky stage presence despite the smoldering heat. Based on their remarkable set, we are incredibly excited to see what’s to come from this band and expect to be coving this band for a long time!
The Blindside Kiss
VIDEO: Neon Indian – Polish Girl http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v59v_HLmFXA
SebastiAn Gives An X-Rated Show
While SebastiAn spun his famous French electronica in the Sahara tent Friday afternoon, very explicit images flashed on the screen. The images went along with the hard-pounding French electronica music that SebastiAn has created. The set was intense and had the audience nearly head-banging as he spun the music effortlessly while smoking a cigarette as he usually does. A mix of his most well-known electronic singles were furiously spun resulting in a very energetic set.
M83 Give an Out-of-this-world Performance
M83, fronted by Spanish-French musician Anthony Gonzalez, took to the stage a bit later than expected on Friday night but made up for it with an incredible set, which was mostly comprised of songs from their latest critically acclaimed album, Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming. The band put on an awe-inspiring show that was quite literally out of this world. They opened up their set with an alien-like creature, which closely resembled an extra from the Mos Eisley Cantina scene in Star Wars, sleepwalking on stage towards the audience. This doesn’t come as a surprise considering the band is named after the spiral galaxy, Messier 83.
The live performance, which was a great mix of old and new included the infectious “Midnight City”, “Couleurs” and their remarkable version of Daft Punk‘s “Fall”, was incredible to say the least. The light show that coincided with their stage act was both mesmerizing and hypnotic. M83 proved that they can put on a remarkable show at Coachella amongst the big players. We at AudioFuzz enthusiastically predict them to be one of the top billing acts in the years to come!
We Own The Sky
Fall(Daft Punk cover)
VIDEO: M83 “Midnight City” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aZFcosBTaQ
The Black Keys Turn to Legends
Lead singer Dan Auberbach and drummer Patrick Carney started off their explosive set at Coachella Valley Music Festival with their blues heavy song, “Howlin,” which had the crowd crooning along with them. They ran through hit after hit with songs like “Next Girl”, “Gold On The Ceiling” and “Lonely Boy” to name a few. The Black Keys were small players at Coachella in 2004, but were a fantastic addition to the main stage this year as the top act for Friday night. It was obvious that they were one of Coachella’s main draws, as the field was packed with a very enthusiastic group of fans. The excitement exploded when non other than John Fogerty, lead singer of the legendary Creedence Clearwater Revival, took to the stage for a very moving tribute to The Band’s Levon Helm, who had passed away the night before, with one of The Band’s greatest hits, “The Weight”.
Overall, the set was better than we could have ever imagined, turning The Black Keys from co-headliners to legends.
VIDEO: The Black Keys & John Fogerty performing “The Weight” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfXcnX8STqU
Swedish House Mafia Save The World
To say that Swedish House Mafia warmed up the crowd with it’s “fiery” performance would be an incredible understatement. For a group that only formed in 2008, SHM has become one of the most sought after DJ groups in the world. The DJ trio heated up the stage with a pink and blue light show, fireworks, confetti canons and actual flames bursting out of the stage. The entire performance was a sensory overload that had the tens of thousands of festival goers jumping with hysteria.
Their cataclysmic set sent even the older audience members still there from the Black Keys performance into a dance frenzy. They were a testament to themselves when they played their famed hit, “Save The World,” which they saved for last in an explosively climactic end to their set.
As music becomes more of a multi-sensory experience for concert goes, Swedish House Mafia has definitely set the standard for the future of live music.
Greyhound – Swedish House Mafia
Resurrection – Michael Calfan
Hertz vs. Together – Deniz Koyu
ID @ 13:21
In My Mind – Ivan Gough
Kidsos – Sebastian Ingrosso
Atom – Nari & Milani
Beating Of My Heart – M-3ox
Antidote – Swedish House Mafia
Walking Alone – Dirty South
Miami 2 Ibiza – Swedish House Mafia
Coming Home – Diddy Dirty Money
Ladi Dadi – Steve Aoki
Every Teardrop is a Waterfall – Coldplay
The End – Tommy Trash
Heart is King – Axwell
Save the World – Swedish House Mafia
VIDEO: Swedish House Mafia “Save The World” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYrFeo7efEY
Saturday, April 21st
Azealia Banks Gives Coachella the 212
Despite arriving to stage 20 minutes late, Harlem-based rapper Azealia Banks gave an exciting performance that got everyone from hippies to valley girls throwing their hands up! The out bisexual rapper came on stage with two dancers—one a gay male and the other a lesbian, who both served us a variety of dance skills from crump to vogueing. Banks ran through all her recent material including a brief but commanding a cappella rendition of “Valerie”, which was sung 5 years prior on the same stage by the late Amy Winehouse, proving that not only can she bust out some serious rhymes, but this MC can sing and hold a tune better than most performers out today. Banks saved the best for last when she dropped “212” with DJ/Rapper Lazy Jay. Banks mixed the song with Prodigy’s “Firestarter,” which surprised many fans. There hasn’t been this much raw and ruthless talent from a female MC since Lil’ Kim, without all the gloss and glitter. All we have to say after this performance is “Nicki MaWHO?”
The Big Pink Revel In Electro-Pop Glory
The Big Pink’s lead singer Robbie Furze sweated it out on stage as he sang The Big Pink’s glorious electro-pop tunes. The two synth players and the animalistic female drummer had the crowd rowdier than expected with their killer set. The Big Pink were in tip-top shape playing the songs from their newest record. They opened their set with their biggest single, “Stay Gold.” Furze’s charming and unique voice in combination with his quirky stage presence won over audience members.
Martin Solveig Surprises Audience with First US “Hello” Performance
To the surprise of many Martin Solveig had never played “Hello” with Dragonette in the US. Lucky Coachella attendees got to her a full live performance of the song when he introduced Dragonette to stage by bringing her out on his shoulders. Prior to the performance of his most famous hit he played most of the songs from Smash and a few new mixes that boasted new mixing skills. Between the lights and the high energy dance music, Solveig had the tent literally shaking with energy.
tUnE-yArDs Beckon Fans Across the Lawn
Merrill Garbus’ rock outfit, the tUnE-yArDs, performed early Saturday afternoon on the outdoor stage. Garbus came out dawned in black tights, shoulder ornaments and her typical face paint. Garbus got right down to banging the drums and auto-tuning her voice after commenting on the ridiculous heat outside. Her and boyfriend/bass player, Nate Brenner, ran through a set consisting mainly of songs from their new record w h o k i l l. Fans cooled off with the sprayers while singing along to the songs. The greatest reaction came when Garbus launched into “Gangsta.” Fans who got the chance to see them perform live were very lucky as they are one of the few acts that’s live act is completely unique from any other.
Kasabian Rock Mojave
Brit rockers are alive and well. After seeing Kasabian perform on Saturday, April 21st at Coachella, I can claim witness to this statement. Kasabian could easily tell the crowd to drink cyanide and the crowd would do it. They are one of the few Brit rockers that can still throw fans into a “Beatles-like” frenzy.
Before the Brit rockers even stepped on stage, roadies were riling the crowd by tossing out glow batons embellished with their logo and tour name on it. It was a great move because it got the crowd stomping their feet and yelling “Kasabian” before they even touched the stage.
The punctual rockers took to stage opening with new blood, “Days Are Forgotten.” They had the crowd singing loudly at the chorus. The sound of the opening keyboard for “Switchblade Smiles” seemed to be the highlight for fans of their new album, Velociraptor! Tom Meighan further galvanized the crowd when he launched the band into the raucous “Club Foot.” It was at that point that the largely indie rock crowd became a head banger’s crowd.
Days Are Forgotten
(Dedicated to Noel Fielding)
L.S.F. (Lost Souls Forever)
Vlad the Impaler
David Guetta Warms Up The Night
Even if you weren’t in the Sahara tent you got to hear David Guetta. Despite people being packed like a can of sardines in the tent they managed to dance themselves into complete rave-style craziness. There were glowsticks galore, LED-tipped gloves and various other mechanisms that allowed fest-goers to visually stimulate the crowd. The overheated tent became even more sweltering when Guetta step on stage and the bodies got moving.
Guetta got on stage promptly for his set and ran through a set of his own songs plus his famous mixes which included “When Love Takes Over”, Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used To Know”, “Rock That Body” and LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem.” Guetta surprised the audience when he brought out Sia to sing on their collaborative single, “Titanium.” Guetta might have created the “high” of the evening with his blistering dance set.
Gotye Gives A Fierce Live Performance
Gotye was nothing short of a stellar set from the last two albums. Most of the songs were from his current album Making Mirrors, which has seen tremendous success in the US mainly due to the power ballad, “Somebody That I Used To Know.” Gotye not only sings but he plays percussion and quite aggressively. Gotye surprised audience members by his Kieth Moon style drumming. The backdrop of the stage included a large projection screen that played the videos that Gotye created for each of the songs. Gotye changed up the set a little by adding “Smoke and Mirrors” to the list due to a fans request from the previous day. Of course major applause came when the opening of “Somebody That I Used To Know” started playing. Fans sang loudly to the song and filled in for Kimbra’s part. Fans left Gotye’s set very pleased and surprisingly energetic.
Miike Snow Soars With Lykkye Li
Miike Snow delivered a typically powerful set full of the emotion that encompasses his songs. Snow’s short but sweet set included fan favorite “Animal” as well as the new hit single, “Paddling Out.” Snow surprised fans when he brought Lykke Li out on stage to perform “Black Tin Box” on Saturday night. The very timid singer tip-toed onto the stage and performed a very powerful rendition of the song.
Godspeed You! Black Emperor Transcends Space and Time
You’ve heard the phrase “art-rock” before, but it’s Canadian instrumental nonet Godspeed You! Black Emperor who have defined this genre in the most glorious and unpretentious way possible. The band subtly entered the stage one by one ten minutes before they were set to perform, collectively tuning their instruments in a semi circle paying full attention to the precision and delicate tones of each pluck, pull, strum and slide. There was a subtle and humble excitement in the crowd, which was unlike any performance we’ve seen live. Standing in the front row was a young man holding in one hand the vinyl album to lift yr. skinny fists like antennas to heaven and a cardboard reading “GYBE” on the other. It was clear that those who were here to see this band, were here especially for this band. The crowd was a bit sparse, but the intense internal energy of the people who were there made up for it. There was a seamless transition from the the band tuning and warming up right into their first song. Tension built as the song progressed from a single string instrument to a fury of drums, violins, and guitars played with violin bows, visibly moving many to tears. You can’t dance to them, you can’t sing along to them, but the one thing that’s for sure about Godspeed You! Black Emperor is that their music evokes something internally ethereal and celestial that transcends space and time.
Radiohead Delivers A Stellar Mellow Set
Radiohead ended the second leg of their world tour at Coachella Week 2 with a 21-song packed set. Whether you were most excited about seeing a resurrected rapper, dancing to the sounds of one of the many hottest DJs out now, or into seeing that one artist from the iPod commercial, there’s no doubt that Radiohead were the most anticipated act at Coachella this year.
Primarily playing songs from their most current albums In Rainbows and their most recent opus King of Limbs, they also included one of their new unreleased gems “Staircase”. Fans were shocked to see the band launch into 6 encores that included the guitar heavy “Bodysnatchers” and They exploded into a climactic finale at the end of their second encore with their biggest anthem, “Paranoid Android”, which was a perfect end to a remarkable Day 2 at Coachella. There’s a reason Radiohead are regarded as the greatest act in the world, and this performance was a testament to their greatness.
Morning Mr Magpie
You And Whose Army?
House Of Cards
Give Up The Ghost
Exit Music (for a film)
Sunday, April 22nd
Morgan Page Surprises Early Risers with Killer Set
I would have said that I was surprised to see a DJ bring such a crowd of people so early to Coachella, but Morgan Page is not your average DJ. The Los Angeles-based DJ had a high energy set that despite it’s 12pm set time had festival-goers dancing like it was midnight already.
AudioFuzz got the chance to speak with Page after his amazing set on Sunday and we can see why this is going to be the next big DJ to explode onto the scene.
Page pays attention to every detail of his set. Not only is the music important to him but the visual aspect of his shows are extremely important. “The stage set up, and the LEDs are important to me. I really want to take the set with me on the road now. Just having this monstrous stage in Sahara tent; that’s been the coolest thing so far,” Page explained.
Page is very open-minded when it comes to his audience. Page invites all to his shows and when asked about his connection to the LGBT community he said, “Music, I feel brings everyone together. Everybody is welcome to my shows. Everybody is part of the show. Everybody can relate to the music. That’s a big part of my sound. It’s so diverse.”
One thing that is distinct with Pages music as opposed to other DJs is the quality of his songwriting. “I put a really big emphasis on quality song writing to make sure the song is there and then I can build everything around it. It’s not just sizzle, there’s steak in there. I think some of the dub step stuff you hear is really cool, it’s really flashy, but sometimes it’s missing, it’s lacking that core of the song,” Page told us.
Page doesn’t plan on slowing down and has big plans for the rest of 2012 and 2013. “There’s going to be touring to support the album, In the Air, which has been out for a couple weeks now. I’ll be touring Asia and Australia, and just working on the next record right now too,” Page told us. You can catch him at a lot of the big EDM festivals this year including, Electric Zoo, EDC Las Vegas, Nocturnal as well as other dates.
If you want to hear more of Page you can check his podcast out on iTunes or his weekly radio show on Sirius XM. “I do a weekly radio show on Sirius XM. It comes out on iTunes every week. You can hear it live on BPM on Wednesdays at 8PM Pacific, but I definitely recommend subscribing to the podcast on iTunes to get that weekly one hour mix. I talk about the artists and I unveil new productions. It’s the first place to hear new music,” Page told us.
If Morgan Page is playing somewhere near you make sure you do not miss this show, you will be more than pleased with his overall production.
Le Butcherettes Live Up To Their Name
One might say that the Butcherettes are aggressive on stage but that’s an understatement. Not only did these girls thrash on stage but lead singer, Terri Gender Bender, threw her keyboard into the audience. Thankfully it didn’t hurt anyone but it was quite a shock as she was previously teasing it then really did it. It was like watching the Who on acid. They destroyed their instruments and rocked out harder than any male rock band at Coachella. The newly formed band gave their audience a rock set that will not soon be forgot.
Santigold’s Colorful Set
Santigold attracted a very colorful crowd as the photo evidence above suggests. Santigold boasted a very high energy set full of colors and surprises. Santigold even brought audience members to the stage in an unprecedented move rarely done on the main stage at Coachella. Santigold played her multitude of hits while entertaining the crowd with questions like “Are you all drinking in this heat?” and when the crowd responded with a resounding “yes”, she laughed and said “humans are so stupid.” Santigold pleased everyone so much in the sweltering heat, you almost forgot it was there.
VIDEO: Santigold “Shove It” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oN2mVbG6Jiw
Justice’ Electronic Rock Attracts Thousands
It’s well-known that Justice has a large rock crowd. Justice has even described it’s newest record Audio Video Disco as a progressive-rock record. It’s clear that electronic music is quickly becoming the most popular genre of music as it’s used in nearly every song nowadays. Justice brought a mixture of rock fans and electronic fans to their show. One fan said that their music is the perfect blend of rock and electronic dance music. I couldn’t agree more. Justice ran through a mashup of most of their songs. The opening song, “Genesis,” set the tone for the set; a raging rock-tronic mind bender.
Girl Talk Brought The Party
If Greg Gillis isn’t making money with music he could easily become a party planner. Gillis pumped the crowd up more than any other act did into what seemed to be a college house party on the Polo Grounds lawn. Gillis came out yelling “This is the last f*cking day of Coachella”, adorned in sweats and a hoodie.
Gillis launched into his explosive set that had the crowd dancing and jumping up and down the entire time. As if the music wasn’t enough, Gillis had a bunch of lucky Coachella goers dance with him on stage. The energy on stage was almost as crazy as it was on the ground. He brought out the big guns sampling current hits in with old hits that included samples from Bruce Springsteen, Kelly Clarkson, Queen, N.E.R.D., Notorious B.I.G. and even Elton John. The entire time his set was going on blowers were reeling out toilet paper into the crowd while huge bags of balloons and eventually confetti hit the audience.
It was simply impossible not to have fun at Girl Talk’s set.
Avicii Excites Crowd With Spectacular Visuals
If Avicii’s anticipated setlist wasn’t enough he took it to an even higher level by exciting audience members with impressive visuals and unseen LED lighting techniques. He said that he felt this was one of the biggest festivals yet and wanted the chance to really impress festival-goers with something that would be memorable. His soda pop electronic music got the crowd moving especially with his opening number “Le7els.” Propped on the top of a giant head sculpture had him overseeing the entire crowd and occasionally fist pumping to arouse the crowd. Although he didn’t need to do much to arouse the easily excitable crowd that was raving, bopping, dancing and hopping.
Modeselektor Brings A Radiohead
Gernot Bronsert and Sebastian Szary of Modeselektor came to the Mojave tent while festivalgoers were headed to the main stage to get prime seating for Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg. However, that didn’t stop the IDM duo from blowing the minds away of its core IDM loyalists.
Modeselektor ran through a short but sweet set of it’s most hard pounding songs mainly from their current release Monkeytown. The duo had a minimalist but electric display of colored lights and two screens that frequently flashed a monkey being shocked on it. Szary talked through a vocoder intermittently to ask fans questions. The fans that gathered close to the stage were ecstatic during the set especially with their recent singles “Berlin” and “Evil Twin.” However, absolute pandemonium happened when Szary announced Thom Yorke to the stage to sing on their collaborative single “Shipwrecked.” Yorke came out on stage, which made fans walking away gravitate quickly back to the stage. Yorke displayed his notorious convulsion style dancing for the crowd at times becoming extremely hyperactive and bouncy on stage.
At the end of the set audience members were in pure ecstasy from what they just witnessed. One fan dropped to his knees, head down and arms out to the ground in pure bliss; and that’s what it felt like for all that were blessed to see this intimate performance.
Dr. D.R.E. and Snoop Dogg Resurrect the Dead
[Image Credit: Christopher Polk]
Dr. D.R.E. and Snoop Dogg delivered a solid set of hit after hit to the biggest crowd at the Main Stage all weekend. The set consisted of hit favorites from the infamous days of Death Row Records, cofounded by Shug Knight and Dr. Dre, which also turned both Snoop Dogg and Tupac into legends. There were a slew of A-List rappers from Eminem to 50 Cent, including a vocal guest appearance by fallen Death Row Records alumni, Nate Dogg. The highlight, however, came from another fallen legend, Tupac in the form of a hologram, which reportedly cost 6 figures to produce. Tupac, or rather his hologram if you want to be specific, pleased the crowd with two of his most notorious songs, “Hail Mary” and “2 of Americaz Most Wanted”, the latter being a duet with Snoop Dogg. His cameo ended with the “Tupacogram” bursting into a puff of light particles and fading into the dark. The resurrection of Tupac Shakur was nothing short of amazing/sweet/creepy/sad.
The Next Episode
Gin And Juice
Nuthin’ But A “G” Thang
Ain’t No Fun (If The Homies Can’t Have None)
I Wanna Rock
Jump Around (House of Pain cover)
Drop It Like It’s Hot
Young Wild And Free (with Wiz Khalifa)
The Recipe (with Kendrick Lamar)
What Up Gangsta
In The Club (with 50 Cent)
2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted (with Tupac)
I Need a Doctor (with Eminem)
Forgot About Dre (with Eminem)
‘Till I Collapse (with Eminem)
Who Am I? (What’s My Name?)
[All Images Taken By Ruben H. Jimenez of www.AudioFuzz.com unless otherwise stated]
10 Myths About Promoters
10. Promoters have an unlimited amount of drink tickets and can give you a drink when you ask for it.
9. Promoters can get everyone in for free.
8. Promoters just drink and party all the time.
7. Promoters are the sole party responsible for the entire party.
6. Promoters all secretly hate each other (actually many of us are friends & even party together).
5. Promoters enjoy littering your inbox with tons of emails (they make us do it).
4. Promoters enjoy banning you from a club (no, you do that yourself).
3. Promoters do not sleep (okay sometimes that’s true).
2. Promoters are fake to everyone (our job is to be nice, not fake).
1. Promoters cannot be monogamous and therefore they have no souls (we actually are judged by others for not being faithful).
And while some of these myths hold unfortunately true for some, they do not hold true as a stereotype for all. I’m a PhD student, another promoter friend of mine is a college professor, another is a counselor, another is a lawyer and another is a father of three beautiful children with a wonderful wife. It’s not our lives; it’s a job and an extension of our lives. And even if it was our lives, it doesn’t mean these myths hold true at all. So before you judge us, why don’t you get to know us first.
Finally Jennifer Aniston is had a great day last week. A new star is placed on the Walk Of Fame in her honor so that kids can spit gum out and hookers can smear their gonorrhea all over her engraved name for eternity. Even her boyfriend, Justin Theroux, showed up to her ceremony to show the world that after 9 months it is possible to put up with Jenn Ann and her shit. But where is that ex-asshole Brad? Angelina showed up and made her congratulatory point, no words needed.
Bitch stole yo man.
Much to my surprise, I turned on my Grindr this morning (for promotional purposes of course) and there was Adele, 829ft away from me. I, of course, assumed she was performing at Hammerstein Ballroom (my next door neighbor) but after checking her tour schedule I realized she wasn’t set to be there. I then noticed her “about me” section which I assume is the title of an upcoming song she’s set to write “Would you still look at me if I didn’t have a face in person?”, which I personally believe is a horrible song title and I would have to answer that question with a resounding no. Oh and girl, you are not 5’10, the camera adds weight, not height…remember that.
So I give this piece of advice to Adele if you want to find someone like you, I wouldn’t suggest Grindr as you’ll soon find yourself rolling in the deep with god knows who and when he won’t go so rumor has it you’ll probably have to set fire to the rain. So if you want a man that’s going to treat you right, I suggest you look elsewhere and stay off Grindr…girl.
PS. If you took this serious, you’re an idiot.
Let me start by saying that I am a huge fan of the old Sister Act Movies. Both me and my mom credit Sister Mary Clarence and her huge afro at least in part, for making me gay. So when we were invited to see the show on Broadway I jumped at the chance! To recap, in case you spent the 90′s smoking various things in your parent’s garage ( I realize this is a very real possibility) Sister Act is about a headliner at a sleazy bar that witnesses a murder and has to hide out in a convent until her court date. There are a lot of great things about both versions of the story, but I decided to attack it from a purely superficial, purely gay standpoint (Since I am going to assume that all of you are purely superficial, and purely gay).
Hands down, Sister Act on Broadway has the breast presentation in this category (As if that is not obvious by the photo). Whoopi Goldberg is a genius and even helped produce the stage version, but would it have killed her to slap on a little lip smackers cherry gloss to help flavor the gruel that those poor nuns eat? Patina Miller killed it, with her elegant weave changes that would give Beyonce a run for her baby and a smile that lit up the theater like a furniture fire in the ghetto.
Broadway version. There were more sequins and satin in the stage version than in a “couture” Jersey dress shop. Not to spoil it, but at one point there is an elderly white rapping nun wearing gold lame and a bandana.
This is a toss-up. The only men in the story are goons that are trying to locate Mary Clarence, and a geeky lovelorn cop. Neither is very attractive in my book. I think my manties just constricted. Draw.
While I do appreciate the history and architecture of an authentic cathedral, I enjoy a colorful, disco-ball filled, stained glass, mirrored virgin mary cathedral that looks like the inside of a drag queen’s asshole even more. I felt like I was inside Limelight.
Sister Act the movie is a classic film filled with amazing acting, touching story lines, and old memories that can never be touched. Sister Act: A Divine Musical Comedy is a spectacle filled with bright lights, flashy costumes and lively songs that stick in your head.
Both are worth seeing more than once whether you are purely superficial and purely gay, or-
Wait, does anything else exist?
I’m not going to pretend to know or care what Ash Wednesday is about. But I’m also not going to pretend like I don’t notice the idiots walking around with ash smeared across their foreheads because they look like total idiots.
At first I thought they maybe bumped their heads on a chimney or perhaps maybe a dirty pigeon collided with their faces. But I was flabbergasted to learn that people actually smear ash on their heads on purpose – the breakout potential alone is enough to detour me.
And where do you get the ash from anyway? Are there ash stores that you can go into and pickup a bucket of ash – or do just grab an old joint and smear that bitch across your forehead? And are there different qualities of ash – like deluxe ash with diamond flakes or cheap bootleg ash that came straight out of grandma’s fireplace?
Oh Ash Wednesday when will you stop ruining peoples faces, so many people are ugly enough already. But I will say as long as ash Wednesday is around I will be around to make fun of it.