If you are reading this site and you don’t know what happened between Zendaya (the girl who turned down the Aliyah Biopic on Lifetime because she knew it would a total plane wreck) and Fashion Police, (an extremely entertaining show about celebrity fashion that is finding its footing after the untimely demise of everyone’s favorite crypt keeper, Joan Rivers) then I can only assume you are not gay, and not a girl, so really, what are you even doing here?
To summarize the debacle though, Giuliana Rancic (the praying mantis creature on the left) said that Zendaya (the chick who looks like Bob Marley’s spirit animal draped in Bed Bath & Beyond couture) looks like she smells like patchouli and weed.
This prompted Zendaya to send the following rebuttal, which is full of lots of big flowery words and basically name drops every black success story except Eli Whitney and the Cotton Gin. To paraphrase, her response was:
Giuliana apologized on Twitter first, then in a video. But there are a few things I find more than a little annoying with this.
1. I’m pretty sure Giuliana wasn’t even thinking in terms of race. I think she was talking about the dirty, dred-locked hippies that skulk around music festivals hoping someone will be too high to notice their balls smell like the abandoned City Hall subway station downtown. Most of those degenerates are actually white.
2. Fashion Police has always pushed the envelope with humor, including racism. Joan Rivers said much worse things plenty of times, and got away with it. Kelly Osborn always acted a little indignant when she made those jokes, but I guess now that Joan is no longer around she feels the need to be more vocal about it, which to me undermines the entire reason I watch the show in the first place.
3. I had no problem with Zendaya’s hair until she made a big stink about it (no pun intended). Now I want everyone on The Internet to understand that we are having a political discussion about FUCKING dred locs. Did I ever spell that right? Is she going to come after me for misrepresenting the grammatical integrity of her cultural hair style? The fact that this whole situation (which I see as a miscommunication) has been blown to such crazy proportions is a testament that if we really want to help racism in this country, we need to stop being so sensitive about words. Giuliana Rancic didn’t actually say anything outwardly racist except that Zendaya looked like a hippie.
And she did. A hippie that shops at whatever bootleg middle America discount costume outlet for romance novels where she bought her dress.
Now that I have said my piece, can we please talk about this?
She looks like she smells like the dressing room/broom closet of a Barbizon educated QVC model that moonlights as an Avon lady at night to support her unemployed high school sweetheart.
There, was that racist?
For those of you who don’t read Wikipedia on the crapper, “Coulrophobia” is defined as: “an innate fear of clowns”, by the dictionary of things I just Googled. I am pretty sure the fear comes from the fact that clowns hide their identities behind makeup, much like Mickey Rourke hiding behind his surgically altered potato face. I’m sure it didn’t help that John Wayne Gacy straight up murdered some hoes and buried them under his porch, all while sporting a red rubber nose, but I digress. Jason and I decided that it would be fun to dress up like some clown characters and take a shower together. If we help one gay person get over their fear of clowns, then we have done our job.
It’s about the children, after all.
If you have been wondering why things are a little slower here at Gloganvlog, it’s because Jason and I started a video game company, and are working on crowd-funding our first title; The Midnight Grindshow™.
We recently read that hot gay clown post on Queerty, and felt like we should add our own spin to it. Also, full disclosure, we are trying to raise $130K to create this game, and are willing to do anything, even strip down to our underwear in my shower to make it a reality. This post is our way to have some fun with it, and hopefully rustle up some George Washingtons, at the same time. We have been working around the clock on this project so it was nice to just blow off some steam, do something creative, and “clown around”.
If you applaud our chutzpah, please feel free to donate a buck or two to the cause by clicking HERE. You can also find out all the info on the project, and how we have been spending our days. I embedded the video below. Let us know what you think (both about the project, and our ridiculous photoshoot) in the comments or via email!
Sometimes we like to take a break from writing to take a stroll down Dick Lane. Dick Lane is an amazing place filled with a virtual corniopia of cocks. Here are some of our BIGGEST and best finds. All I can say is helllooo Harry!
NSFW pics after the jump.
Gay television commercials are becoming more mainstream then oatmeal enemas and semen facial masks. Here are a few for your enjoyment…. but, be careful there are a couple lesbian ones in there too.
West Fourth Dating App
Google: It Gets Better
Cyber Monday can surely eat a dick, because something much more momentous has occurred today. Tom Daley has revealed in a Youtube video that he is in fact gay, and in a relationship with a man. Chickenhawks and twink-hounds everywhere just creamed their leather manties and booked a one way ticket to Russia, or whatever third world country the Olympics has been relegated to this year. This news is especially important because in the last year we have seen a rising trend of professional athletes coming out of the closet, which is great news for equal rights, and illustrates to most of the world acchem Russia that gay people exist within all walks of life, even those that are considered predominantly straight. It is also important news because Tom Daley is both hot and British as fuck. Even though he photographs like an extremely sexy hobbit, he is actually 5’10. There are countless photos of him in states of near nudity, many of which are included in this post. And I repeat he is both hot and British as fuck.
I am pretty sure today should be officially sanctioned as the new Gay Christmas. To celebrate that I rounded up a bunch of photos of Tom Daley’s package. Enjoy!
A stocking filled with poppers? How did you know?!
Sister please. The Youtube vid was unnecessary.
…I think I just heard my Grindr go off in my locker.
Yes, apparently you can get carpal tunnel from giving a reach-around.
A scene from one of Tom Daly’s wet dreams.
She is here, she is queer, and she will stick those two fingers in places even God won’t go.
As you all are abundantly aware at this point, Paul Walker died yesterday. People deal with death in different ways, we choose humor, he would want it that way….
Paul Walker Jokes:
– I didn’t know Paul Walker starred in the new “Catching Fire” movie.
– Did you know that Paul Walker had a dandruff problem? They found his head and shoulders in the dashboard.
– Paul Crasher.
– It really burned me up when I heard of his untimely demise.
– Paul Walker was one of the greatest actors of our generation. He had us all believing he could drive.
– He took the phrase “Ride or die” too seriously.
– Paul Walker is making a guest appearance on The Walking Dead Sunday night.
– He came in like a wrecking Pauuulllll…
Even though I have been arrested twice, I have never been taken into a police station or had my mugshot taken. Fuck the justice system. Everybody knows there is nothing hotter than a little prison rape in the shower, and I have been robbed of meeting my soulmate/bunkmate in jail TWICE. I know I probably just jinxed myself, and tonight I am going to end up in the clink for pissing in a phone booth/city urinal, but better late than never, #amiright? We all love bad boys. They are the guys our mothers warned us about (because she secretly regrets dumping her college rock-band boyfriend for our fathers, who fart in their sleep). If you have ever seen the movie Oz or written to a prison inmate, you know that the hottest bad boys always end up in jail. Thus, its time to play a very fun game called The Hot Guy Mugshot Guessing Game. The rules are simple. Look at the Hot Guy Mugshots, masturbate to them, and then guess what they did to land them in the valley of forced anal and cigarette bartering. Sound off in the comments, if you want to play along.
1. Pooping while masturbating in front of a church full of elderly nuns to relieve his Catholic Guilt and chronic constipation.
2.Using his crazy eyes as lethal weapons to date-rape a cheerleading squad of high school girls, as a result of his frustration at not being able to grow facial hair.
3. Cutting lines with Lindsay Lohan on Christmas day using his meth cheeks as a razor blade.
4. Exposing his infantile areola mini-nips to a minor in a school zone.
5.Fucking his cousin who is a sheep.
6.Impersonating Bradley Cooper in order to embezzle hard-earned g-string coochie-funk dollas from strippers in Tampa, Florida.
7. Bottoming in public, while wearing a shade of foundation that in no way, shape or form, matches his natural skin tone. Read more…
Note: This post may be considered NSFW, in the event that your boss is a frigid asshole.
Do I really even need to say anything else? With the slew of hot, naked, muscle-bound British men running around spanking each other with oars, the Warwick Rowers’ nude charity calendar reads like an NSFW Abercrombie catalogue, if for instance, Abercrombie wasn’t a defunct racist organization only currently frequented by gay men over 40 and Swedish tourists that don’t know any better. I have known about this charitable cause for a while, but have refrained from writing about it because it is so ridiculously over-the-top (and potentially under the top) HOT that I was afraid looking at it would cause my eyes to burn out of my head faster than an STI caught from sitting on the toilet after Miley Cyrus. For the past five years, the Warwick British Rowing team (made up of predominantly straight athletes…) (…) has gotten together, stripped down to nothing but their foreskin and taken a slew of naked photos all in the name of fighting homophobia. The proceeds go to Sports Allies, a program created by Warwick Rowing and Educational Action Challenging Homophobia.
I am not sure exactly how they challenge homophobia by acting gay, but I will take it. Literally. Relentlessly. Wouldn’t you? Anyway I can pretend this article has real editorial value, but if you are reading this site, you know better than that. Enjoy the pics. AND THE GIFS.
Merry fucking Christmas, or whatever heathen holiday they celebrate over in the British Isles.
Also, if these photos make you feel some type of way, feel free to check out some naked rugby players, too.
I have never been more offended in my life. In desperate publicity stunts by lame actresses that nobody who doesn’t watch Lifetime Made for TV movies would ever recognize news, Julianne Hough slapped on some black face and a prison jumpsuit, and left the house on Halloween weekend dressed (allegedly) as Crazy Eyes, from Orange is the New Black. A lot of people (the three tweens that know who she is) are no doubt put off by the fact that she dressed up in black face and wore an orange prison jumpsuit, perpetuating the stereotype that there are a lot of black people in jail, which is understandably offensive.
I am personally offended however, because I don’t think her black face is black enough. If you have seen Orange is the New Black, you know that Crazy Eyes is pretty much one of the best reasons to watch. It doesn’t matter if she is pissing on the floor, scissoring a bulldyke at a going-away party, creating romantic love poems to white girls on the spot, or reciting Shakespearean sonnets to at-risk youth in wheel chairs(no exaggeration) she does it with the type of grace and panache that Julianne Hough will simply never possess. In a word, she is AWESOME. Her skin is like melted, buttery chocolate, her expressions are like rays of sunshine tickling your taint, and her eyes are like two goldfish, swimming in opposite directions in her head. The fact that Julianne Hough did such a piss-poor impression of her is almost as offensive as her brother Derek Hough pretending to be straight when he has such a bad case of gay face it looks like he is sucking on a dick made out of lemons.
Boo, you whore. Lets go get Skinny Girl Martinis.
We don’t drink no martinis in prison, bitch.
Not unless they’re made with toilet water.